Salaams Aunt Maya. My daughter is soon turning 10 and I can tell her period is around the corner. She has no idea this will happen but I want to break it to her gently before time. I don’t have any girl moms around me who have been through this so I’m not sure where to start. How much do I tell her? What can I do to prepare her in case this happens at school. This sometimes keeps me up at night as most of my friends and cousins have had terrible experiences when they got their period, thinking they were about to die or had an accident. I am also unsure of whether menstrual cups and period pants will be hygienic and easy to handle but would also love to talk to her about reducing waste and maybe not introduce pads in the first place. There’s so much to think about and I have no idea where to start. 

Maya Areem Responds:

Asalamu alaykum,

It’s wonderful to see your concern for your daughter’s well-being during this important transition. Addressing this delicate matter with care is essential. 

Before she starts her period, consider having a heartfelt and candid conversation with her about what to expect. I would suggest you keep it simple and factual to provide clear information, including details such as the biological changes, while showcasing it as a natural part of her growth. Tailor your explanation to her age and level of comprehension. The Prophet ﷺ advised us to teach according to the listener’s understanding. 

Throughout your conversation, reassure her that you are here to support and guide her while acknowledging all her concerns. Your approach will guide her own approach so make sure you don’t treat it as a taboo or shameful subject.

Here’s a small template for a conversation starter which you can adapt to suit your needs:

“I would love to talk to you about something called menstruation or having periods. It is nothing to worry about but just something you should know as you’re growing up. Each month, your body/uterus releases some blood for a few days. It’s something that I also experience regularly. It may feel a bit strange or uncomfortable at first, but slowly you will get used to it and it is absolutely nothing to worry about. I’ll show you everything you need to take care of yourself during this time. You can always ask questions or talk to me about anything you’re feeling. Remember, it’s a natural and normal part of growing up, and I’m here to support you every step of the way.” 

Following a conversation about the fundamental aspects of menstruation, you can then discuss the possibility of her period starting at school. Equip her with a pouch containing essential items like period panties or a menstrual cup – whichever she decides to use, a change of underwear, and some pain relief if needed. Providing clear instructions on how to use these items will ensure that she feels confident and prepared.

Discussing environmentally friendly options like menstrual cups and period pants is a great step. You can talk about their hygienic use and proper handling. Islam encourages environmental responsibility, and these options align with the principles of reducing waste.

You can also explore resources together. “The Period Book: A Girl’s Guide to Growing Up” by Karen Gravelle addresses puberty, including menstruation, in a straightforward manner. For a Muslim perspective, “The Muslim Girl’s Guide to Life’s Big Changes” by Rayhana Khan covers various aspects of growing up, including menstruation.

Once your daughter begins her first period, it will be crucial to remind her of the importance of self-care. Encourage rest, hydration, and healthy eating. Share any family or cultural practices that promote well-being during menstruation. If you’re comfortable, share your own experiences and insights. This can create a sense of connection and comfort, reassuring her that she is not alone in this experience.

You can also consider gifting her a period care basket. This can be a wonderful way to normalise and make this transition feel like an important milestone in her life. Include some healthy snacks like nuts, some unhealthy ones like her favourite chocolates, a water bottle for her to stay hydrated, a dhikr and du’a journal and a thoughtful note to remind her of your support. This practical gesture can ease any initial discomfort and reinforce the idea that menstruation is a normal and manageable part of her life.

Remember, the Prophet ﷺ was compassionate and understanding, especially with matters related to women. Approach this transition with love and empathy, and may it be a source of strength and closeness between you and your daughter.

May your efforts be blessed, and may this phase of her life be one of growth and positive experiences. Ameen.

Love + Duas,

Aunt Maya

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If you would like some wisdom from Aunt Maya, send in your problems here! Please note Aunt Maya may consult the opinion of others from time to time and ask the Amaliah community for their advice too. Aunt Maya is not a licensed therapist or mental health professional.