We know that Amaliah is like a Big Sis and sometimes our DMs have been filled with requests for advice on a range of life issues including relationships, friendships or work troubles.

We have started a new segment where we field dilemmas from the community and answer them as frankly as we can with love, truth and honesty.

Need some advice on a dilemma? Send them all here!

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As a Muslim girl nearing her twenties, I think a lot about my role in society. I once heard a man in a podcast say something along these lines of “women these days are not content with the idea of marriage and raising children as their role. Raising children is an incredibly important job and society has made it seem lesser than.” While I understand that being a mother is an important role for women and is highly praised in our deen, I desperately want to know this: what are we to do before then? Is being a woman only defined by motherhood? What is the proper role of a young Muslimah? I sometimes worry that I don’t exactly know what my plan is after graduating. I know that everything is in Allah SWT’s hands but I wonder if I am missing something important or not fulfilling my full potential.

Maya Areem Responds:

Asalamu Alaykum,

Thank you for sharing your thoughts and concerns with us. It’s completely natural to feel uncertain about your role and purpose, especially as you transition into adulthood. The societal pressures and expectations can often make us question our path, particularly when it comes to the roles traditionally associated with women, such as marriage and motherhood. Also, wider culture has made women feel that our lives peak at 30 leaving people feeling immense pressure between graduating and turning 30 to “sort their lives out”. A reminder that it is okay to not know your plan after graduating, you are still in your first decade of adulthood and it is okay to treat life as something to figure out. 

The fact that you are reflecting on these roles and your place in the world shows that you are not just going through the motions, but are actively engaging with the important questions of what it means to live a meaningful and fulfilling life as a Muslim woman. This kind of introspection and critical thinking is invaluable, not only for yourself, but for the community around you as you journey through life.

Firstly, in short, being a woman is not defined solely by motherhood. It’s important to remember that while motherhood is indeed a noble and highly valued role in Islam, it is not the only way to define your worth or purpose as a woman and as a believer. Our deen emphasises that every individual, regardless of gender, has a unique journey and set of responsibilities that extend beyond a single role.

Throughout Islamic history, there are countless examples of women who did not have children, whether by choice or circumstance. These examples remind us that every story and experience has a place in our deen and our community. Islam provides a multitude of human experiences that serve as a source of comfort for us. Just because you are a single Muslim woman, that does not mean that you have to wait for a singular “proper role” to materialise for you. 

Before motherhood or marriage, you are a servant of Allah (SWT), with the opportunity to explore and develop your skills, knowledge, and passions. The Prophet (ﷺ) emphasised the importance of seeking knowledge for both men and women. You are free to utilise this time to deepen your relationship with Allah (SWT), learn more about yourself, and explore different paths that can allow you to fulfil your potential and contribute positively to society outside of an expected role of motherhood or marriage. Above all, journey closer to Allah (SWT) in everything you embark on.

We live in a world where we’re constantly surrounded by images of how others live their lives, through social media, TV, or even the people we encounter daily. It’s easy to get influenced by our environment and start thinking that there’s only one correct way to live. However, it’s important to remember that there’s no one-size-fits-all approach to life. I encourage you to block out the outside noise and focus on what feels right for you. Reflect on how you want to live your life and talk to people whose lives inspire you, those who might be in various phases of their lives, from single women to married couples, parents, and non-parents alike. Consider what aspects of their lives resonate with you the most, and think about what you can do to get there in order to lead a life that not only excites you but also brings you contentment.

Roles evolve over time, so it’s important to focus on the now, your studies, personal growth, hobbies, and the relationships you have with your family and friends. These connections can help you build a strong community or ‘village’ around you, and as you grow and your circumstances change, they can provide support and contribute to your journey. Consider building an online tribe by following women living vast and varied lives; this can further enrich your perspective and offer inspiration for your own life.

The journey you are on now is just as significant as the roles you may take on in the future. I hope you can enjoy the present as you take this time to learn, meet new people, explore various activities and hobbies, grow, and become the best version of yourself.

The key is to remain connected to your faith, seeking guidance through du’as. Trust that Allah (SWT) has a plan for you, and that every season of your life is an opportunity to serve Him (SWT) and fulfil your potential in different ways. You are not limited to one role or expectation; rather, you have the freedom to explore all the facets of who you are and what you can contribute to the world.

Love + duas,

Aunt Maya

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If you would like some wisdom from Aunt Maya, send in your problems here! Please note Aunt Maya may consult the opinion of others from time to time and ask the Amaliah community for their advice too. Aunt Maya is not a licensed therapist or mental health professional.