A self-made, ambitious woman with a successful yet often demanding job, who trudges up the career ladder while simultaneously karate-kicking the patriarchy at any given chance. Or, otherwise known as a girl boss.

This term was popularised in the mid-2010s and celebrated the individualistic career woman making it in a man’s world against all odds. But, once a complimentary phrase, girl boss is now often said in a jokey and caricatural manner in conversation with commentary about the unforgiving hustle culture that many of us are victims to.

Whether it’s an exclusionary, loosely defined feminist who shuts doors to opportunities for others behind her or an unforgiving and capitalistic workaholic, a girl boss is not who she once was. As a result, many millennials are rejecting the idea altogether and are alternatively opting for the pursuit of a softer way of living and working after climbing the career ladder.

From repeatedly experiencing burnout, going through major life events or simply wanting to take their careers at a slower and more sustainable pace, the girl boss is dying, and “soft girl” is being born, complete with exercise classes, matcha lattes and regular naps. Amaliah interviewed two former self-described career women about the rise and fall of the archetype and finding balance in professional and personal lives.

Nafisa Bakkar is the co-founder and CEO of Amaliah, the award-winning media platform which seeks to amplify diverse Muslim women’s voices. A published author and Forbes 30 Under 30 honouree, she built the business from scratch and has helped many other founders do the same for their passion projects. Yet, experiencing burnout forced Nafisa to take a break from the company she worked so hard to build.

The NHS defines burnout as a result of prolonged periods of stress that negatively affect your well-being. For the first few years of her business, Nafisa described herself as “being in constant cycles of burnout” to get it off the ground and felt she hit the peak of burnout two years ago, while simultaneously writing her book, ‘How To Make Money’ and experiencing personal difficulties. As a result, it encouraged her to take a much-needed step back.

“I knew that my strongest skill was my ability to make good decisions and if you’re burnt out and in a foggy mental space, you just can’t do that,” she shared. “I felt I wasn’t an asset to the team and needed to take a step back. I reminded myself that three months off doesn’t undo seven years of work.” 

Nadia Hafedh, a policy and advocacy advisor for a major children’s charity, also experienced similar, relatable feelings of burnout while climbing the corporate ladder. “I often feel more susceptible to this as a lot of my work is to do with activism, young people and community, which are issues I deeply care about,” she said. “Because of this, I felt I couldn’t say no to things.”

Nadia’s work focuses on advocating for children around the world to have access to quality education, and she recalls her first experience of burnout at university, due to running two different societies, trying to complete her degree and dealing with both dyslexia and ADHD. “I remember being so done and out for the count. Your body is telling you that you need to rest, so it puts you at a complete stop,” she shared.

“It’s a lesson I’ve had to learn a million times over as I’m very passionate about the work I do and the impact I have. I don’t want to let anyone down, but ultimately, I have friends who remind me that taking care of myself is good for the communities I serve,” she adds.

Whether it takes a loved one to step in or a moment of self-realisation, recognising and treating burnout is a necessary step to a sustainable and successful career.

As alluded to by Nafisa and Nadia, being a girl boss isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. While they feel passionate about their chosen lines of work, they and many others also recognise how such attitudes to working are inherently hyper-individualistic and often sell a fake ideal of “doing it all” and “having it all.” But, in reality, this can often lead to exhaustion, loneliness, and eventually, the realisation that the rewards are simply not enough when it comes to the cost of something far more important such as health, relationships and overall well-being.

Plus, post-pandemic, thoughts on what defines a successful career have changed. While five days in the office, post-work networking and team socials were once the norm, now employees are looking for flexibility and focusing on fulfilment after 5 pm. Georgina Fraser, head of human capital for global commercial real estate firm CBRE, told the BBC, “The pandemic gave us autonomy in a way that we haven’t had previously.”

“Post-pandemic, we saw a resurgence of people being very vocal about what they wanted and needed, not just from office culture but from the wider world,” she added. “Workers aren’t shy about wanting to be seen as a whole human – and that filters down to their physical location, how [employers] manage them, what support they receive and how [employers] integrate technologies between home and office in order to support them.”

With this in mind, it’s understandable why attitudes towards work and life have shifted. “You can be ambitious and excel, but your work shouldn’t be your be-all and end-all,” said Nafisa. “It should be fulfilling, as it can take up such a big portion of our lives, and burnout can come from us not pursuing what we want to do.”

“I [now feel] very disillusioned by the capitalistic structures we work in,” adds Nadia. “I once liked the idea of making a name for myself in my industry, but through my activism and community organising, my eyes were opened to how pointless these titles are and how shallow these opportunities can be. Your impact is what matters, and if I am given a more senior role, then I’ll take it at my own pace and focus on the difference I can make.”

Whether influenced by the post-pandemic shift in working cultures, burnout or other factors, the way we approach our careers—particularly as young women—has changed. Additionally, the idea of living a “soft life” and embracing the “soft girl era” has saturated social media, further contributing to feelings of wanting to leave the so-called “rat race”. While making bread from scratch daily, like Nara Smith, isn’t realistic for most, taking work and life at a slower pace can be.

It’s also important to note that this isn’t just about preference or escape for many young women, it’s a direct response to harsh economic realities that have fuelled this burnout and desire for more outside of the workplace. From financial anxiety, housing crises, low wages and a difficult job market, the idea of working hard to maintain a stable way of life is starting to feel somewhat alien. If so-called girl bosses are still living in expensive house shares and unable to afford necessities or luxuries, then is it really worth the time and effort put into their careers?

Additionally, not everyone is fortunate enough to have a career that feels fulfilling or makes a tangible impact. For many, their work is simply a means to an end, with long hours spent just trying to survive. Therefore, finding fulfillment in such circumstances is almost impossible, often leading to feelings of burnout and disillusionment.

For Nafisa, her approach to work is also directly inspired by Islamic teachings. “I’ve always found comfort in Surah At-Talaq, which says, ‘Whoever is mindful of Allah, He will make a way out for them and provide for them from sources they could never imagine.’ The biggest thing I take from Islam and Allah ﷻ is that in business and life, in general, there are so many things that don’t work out and feel impossible. I’ve realised that I no longer feel as stressed or panicked because it is all written.

After years in business, you go through so many moments of feeling stuck or like it isn’t going to work out, but Alhamdulillah, something else is decreed and there is wisdom in it, or I can trust that it is ordained by Allah.” 

For many young women, the death of the girl boss has been a long time coming, arguably due to its exclusionary, capitalistic and unsustainable nature. While the “soft life” isn’t for everyone, recognising burnout and finding meaning in our work can only bring a more balanced, sustainable and enjoyable approach to work and life.