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Trigger Warning: This article is of a sensitive nature and mentions sexual assault and violence. If you need help or access to services, please see here: Muslim Mental Health: The Services and Organisations You Can Contact

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“I hope he doesn’t hear my heartbeat

Or hear me praying God will protect me tonight

But as I do I start to cry because I know

Tonight’s one of those nights

When God just doesn’t hear me.” (Jessica, 2009)

Why didn’t Allah ﷻ stop this from happening? Why did Allah ﷻ abandon me? 

These questions have haunted me for a long time, as they do for many survivors of sexual assault. Survivors try to grapple with why Allah ﷻ allowed such harm to happen and seemingly has forsaken them in time of need. This emotional turmoil often leads to deeply rooted distorted beliefs about Allah ﷻ such as ‘Allah is abusive’, ‘Allah was passive’, ‘Allah abandoned me’, or ‘Allah doesn’t love or care about me at all.’ It’s very natural to have these thoughts as therapist Heidi Burmeister-Nel explains that we tend to personify Allah ﷻ and project our human characteristics, fears, and emotions onto Him ﷻ. Our human subjectivity clouds how we see and experience Allah ﷻ.

While there is no clear answer to why this harm occurred, these distorted images of Allah ﷻ that get formed can be healed. The journey could be incredibly lonely because every time sex-related subjects are mentioned in Muslim communities, silence permeates the air. For a survivor of sexual assault, finding solace in discussions or accessing sufficient resources can be a struggle. It’s even more difficult for them to speak about what they’ve gone through as they are burdened by a deeply ingrained sense of shame. Survivors may be labelled “damaged goods”, “impure”, or blamed for what happened to them. Even more taboo is how the trauma can adversely affect and fracture the victim’s perception of Allah ﷻ. As one survivor expressed, “After this happened, a lot of things changed in terms of how I looked at God or looked at the purpose of religion or faith.” (Ali, 2014). Despite the darkness that sexual trauma brings, there are ways to restore the true understanding of Allah ﷻ and bring back the light dimmed by the assaults.

Dismantle the Shame

The first step towards healing is breaking the silence and dismantling the shame, not just the shame that surrounds the assault incident but also the shame of how Allah’s image could be distorted after it. Whenever a sexual assault survivor tries to share their struggles about their conception of Allah ﷻ and religion, they are usually shut down and shamed for not having enough faith. In reality, it has nothing to do with a volatile faith and everything to do with how sexual trauma affects the brain. Sexual trauma can lead to mental health issues like PTSD, anxiety, and depression, which obscure a survivor’s ability to trust and experience love, both physically and spiritually. It can make the victims feel “let down or betrayed” and experience a sense of mistrust or anger, and some individuals may direct these beliefs and resulting feelings toward God.” (Wortmann, Jennifer H et al, 2011). In a study done by Jennifer Wortmann et al, they found that trauma survivors are more likely to face spiritual struggles, and higher levels of these struggles correlate to more severe PTSD symptoms.

Art therapist Yasmin Watson explains that when a man perpetuates sexual trauma, it can complicate a survivor’s perception of Allah ﷻ. Since Allah ﷻ is referred to as ‘He’ and is powerful, survivors might subconsciously project their negative experiences with dominant men onto their perception of Allah ﷻ. For instance, if a trusted religious figure from whom the survivor sought knowledge committed the violation, the survivor may not only begin to see Allah ﷻ as a punisher or untrustworthy, but their entire understanding of Islam may also become fractured. When a religious authority figure transgresses, it can shatter a survivor’s spiritual foundation, leading them to question the validity of the teachings they once followed.

One survivor recounted, “And then what actually happened is that I looked at him and thought what is, what kind of deen is this yeah, I don’t like deen.” (Chowdhury, 2021). That’s why it’s important to seek religious knowledge from various sources and different figures, both men and women. It’s also essential to develop a personal relationship with the Qur’an.

Turn to the Qur’an

What does the Qur’an say about sexual assault and how can survivors resonate and find solace in it?

The Qur’an didn’t shy away from touching on the subject of sexual assault, to the extent of using the unconventional example of a man as a victim because of the power dynamics. I resonated with Prophet Yusuf AS as he was vulnerable “as a former slave, as a youth, as a victim of familial violence, and as a member of an oppressed social group.” (Ibrahim, 2017). In contrast, the woman was in a powerful position as the vizier’s wife. Furthermore, it pointed out victim blaming as an extreme form of corruption. The Qur’an highlights that the punishment of Prophet Yusuf wasn’t an accidental oversight of justice: 

“And so it occurred to those in charge, despite seeing all the proofs ˹of his innocence˺, that he should be imprisoned for a while.” (Surah Yusuf 12:35)

Allah ﷻ didn’t blame Prophet Yusuf; in fact, he was consistently recognised as the victim. If a survivor believes “Allah is abusive” or “Allah is the punisher”, this narrative from Surah Yusuf counters these thoughts, as Allah ﷻ is always on the victim’s side. It also challenges the idea that “Allah abandoned me” because Allah ﷻ never abandoned Prophet Yusuf, even when he was imprisoned. Despite the appearance of abandonment, Allah’s ﷻ presence was always with him, supporting and guiding him throughout.

Prophet Yusuf’s story was one way for me to navigate through my healing journey. Below I share more ways that helped me heal while nurturing my relationship with Allah ﷻ.

1.  Acknowledge and Address Distorted Views

Recognising and admitting that I have a distorted view of Allah ﷻ due to my trauma was the first step in my healing journey. It takes bravery to confront these distorted thoughts, but it’s essential for the healing journey to start. Once you identify which distorted images you have of Allah ﷻ, you can start working on them.

2. Counter Distorted Views with Qur’anic Verses

The Qur’an is the ultimate healer. Counter negative or distorted images of Allah ﷻ with verses from the Qur’an. It may be all in theory at the beginning, as reading that Allah ﷻ is the “All-Hearing” when we feel unheard or abandoned can anger us even more. However, slowly with time our hearts will inshaAllah start to believe it. 

Approach the Qur’an with the specific intention of spiritual healing. For example, I read the following verse to remind me of Allah’s ﷻ presence during times of need: 

“˹Remember˺ when you cried out to your Lord for help, He answered, “I will reinforce you with a thousand angels—followed by many others.” (Surah Al-Anfal 8:9)

It is also important to focus on verses that give a sense of safety. Concentrate on verses that emphasise Allah’s ﷻ love, mercy, and protection. 

“Allah reassured ˹them˺, “Have no fear! I am with you, hearing and seeing.” (Surah Taha 20:46).

3. Seek Therapy, Preferably Islamic-Based Therapy

It is important to begin the road to recovery by healing one’s relationship with Allah ﷻ. Art therapist Yasmin Watson says that in Islamic-based therapy, the aim is to help individuals develop and repair their relationship with Allah ﷻ while processing and recovering from sexual trauma.

• Working on the Trauma: Recovering from sexual trauma will consequently heal Allah’s ﷻ image. Yasmin Watson suggests Internal Family Systems therapy, which recognizes the higher self within each individual, existing in pure compassion and peace. IFS works on harmonising the different parts of our personality affected by trauma. By addressing these parts, particularly the ‘exiles’ that carry the most pain, IFS helps in unburdening the sexual trauma. 
• Working on Trauma with Allah’s ﷻ Presence: As you work on your trauma, try to invite Allah’s ﷻ light and presence into those painful memories and experiences. Call upon Allah’s ﷻ name ‘An-Noor’ to dispel the painful darkness these events left in your heart. Imagining His ﷻ presence with you as you work on these events will ground and support you. Let all your feelings of shame or guilt dissolve in the light of His ﷻ presence. And know that no matter how challenging your healing journey becomes, 

“Allah is the Guardian of the believers—He brings them out of darkness and into light.”  (Surah Al-Baqarah 2:257)

4. Try to experience Allah’s ﷻ Endless Mercy and Care

It is important to develop experiences with Allah ﷻ outside of the trauma. In moments of quietness and stillness, try to feel Allah’s ﷻ love, mercy, and care. Reflect on how Allah ﷻ is always present with us in the small details of our lives that often go unnoticed. Noticing how Allah ﷻ provides for us in special ways can give us a newfound appreciation for His ﷻ love and mercy.

5. Start a New Page with Allah ﷻ

Instead of ending your relationship with Allah ﷻ, use this as an opportunity to relearn everything you know about Him ﷻ. Trauma will make the journey difficult and there will be constant struggles, but understand that struggles in this journey are natural and to be expected. Every time a door seems closed on the path to Allah ﷻ, take that as a sign to try another door. There are endless doors to Allah ﷻ and Allah ﷻ is always patiently and lovingly waiting for us.

Finally, during our healing journeys, it’s always important to remember that how we see and experience Allah ﷻ will change depending on our subjective states. In an interview with therapist Heidi Burmeister-Nel, she says that we are very turbulent with thoughts, emotions, and experiences and that means we can be quite turbulent in how we see and experience Allah ﷻ. That applies to everyone, even for people who haven’t undergone severe traumas. We all have highs and lows in our Iman which is just part of the human experience. The process of arriving at an image of Allah ﷻ that is consistent, loving, and merciful requires a lot of patience, kindness, and compassion with oneself, as well as intentional effort and time. 

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References:

1. Ali, Nadya. “Breaking Silence”, August 24, 2024. 
2. Chowdhury, R., Winder, B., Blagden, N., & Mulla, F. (2021). “I thought in order to get to God I had to win their approval”: a qualitative analysis of the experiences of Muslim victims abused by religious authority figures. Journal of Sexual Aggression, 28(2), 196–217.
3. Kalmanofsky, Amy, and Celine Ibrahim. Sexual Violence and Sacred Texts. Wipf and Stock Publishers, 2020. 
4. Jessica. “I Trusted You.” Family Friend Poems, July 6, 2009.
5. Wortmann, Jennifer H et al. “Trauma and PTSD Symptoms: Does Spiritual Struggle Mediate the Link?.” Psychological trauma: theory, research, practice and policy vol. 3,4 (2011): 442-452. doi:10.1037/a0021413