We know that Amaliah is like a Big Sis and sometimes our DMs have been filled with requests for advice on a range of life issues including relationships, friendships or work troubles.

We have started a new segment where we field dilemmas from the community and answer them as frankly as we can with love, truth and honesty.

Need some advice on a dilemma? Send them all here!

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Salaam Aunt Maya, I guess I’m not really asking for advice but I want to get this off my chest. I am 32 years old and I live a really full life, I have really strong relationships, doing well for myself in my career. I would say I have an enriched life Alhamdulilah and I am very grateful for where I am. While I am content I do have such a yearning to be with someone. I have listened to all the advice of loving myself and investing in myself and so now what? What is the next part of my story? I have so much love in my life through family and friends but let’s be honest nothing compares to the deep love of having a partner in your life. I want to share my life, the joys, the struggles and all the emotions with someone else but haven’t been able to find someone. I am also struggling with the fact that as a practicing covered Muslim woman I struggle with feeling like I am missing out on the sexy version of me and the intimacy of a marriage. There are few spaces Muslim women like me can exist uncovered and adored and I know it sounds like such a small thing but I feel like I am missing out. I feel I am missing out on being desired and I just feel tired. 

Maya Areem Responds:

Asalamu Alaykum,

Thank you for reaching out and sharing your concerns. It must be challenging to have such a fulfilling life and yet feel like something is missing. It’s clear that you have a deep appreciation for your blessings and the relationships that enrich your life. 

Wanting to share your life with someone, to experience that intimate companionship, is a natural and beautiful desire. It’s okay to long for something more, even when you’re grateful for what you have. Your desire for a partner and romance is not insignificant and acknowledging it doesn’t diminish the fullness of the life you’ve created, it simply adds to the depth of who you are.

The struggle of feeling like you’re missing out, especially as a practising Muslim woman, is also valid. Society often presents intimacy and desire in ways that can make us feel excluded, especially when we choose to express our faith through our appearance. But remember, beauty and desirability are not confined to the narrow definitions we often see. Your strength, your faith, your ability to carry yourself with dignity – these are all aspects of your beauty that are seen and cherished by those who truly matter, even if it doesn’t always feel that way.

It is natural to want to be desired and adored, to feel like all parts of you, including the ones that you might keep hidden from the world, are valued. I agree that it can be exhausting to carry these feelings and to hold space for both contentment and longing.

As you navigate these feelings, remember to strengthen your iman by reflecting on why you choose to cover and practise your faith. Allah (SWT) acknowledges that there are things in our lives we may dislike or find challenging, and it’s okay to feel that way. But know that when your efforts are for the sake of Him (SWT), they are never wasted. The Quran reminds us:

“Perhaps you dislike something which is good for you and like something which is bad for you. Allah knows and you do not know.” (Surah Al-Baqarah 2:216)

While there may not be immediate answers to what’s next or how to find what you’re looking for, it’s okay to sit with these feelings and allow them to be. It’s okay to feel tired sometimes, to feel like you’re waiting for a new chapter to begin. Your story is still unfolding, and this part, the waiting and the yearning, is an important part of it.

In the meantime, perhaps you can reflect and clarify what you truly seek in a partner and ensure that you have a solid idea of what a healthy relationship looks like. Understanding your values and expectations can guide you in finding someone who aligns with your vision for a relationship. Once you feel confident, you can explore ways to meet people while continuing to think about what your ideal relationship looks like. 

Finding the right partner can take time, I understand it is easier said than done, and  maintaining patience and making du’a is a crucial part of the journey. Trust in Allah (SWT)’s timing and remain hopeful that your efforts will be rewarded. 

يَقُولُونَ رَبَّنَا هَبْ لَنَا مِنْ أَزْوَٰجِنَا وَذُرِّيَّـٰتِنَا قُرَّةَ أَعْيُنٍۢ وَٱجْعَلْنَا لِلْمُتَّقِينَ إِمَامًا

“Our Lord! Bless us with ‘pious’ spouses and offspring who will be the joy of our hearts, and make us models for the righteous.” (Surah Al-Furqan 25:74)

You are worthy of the love and intimacy you seek, and insha’Allah when the time is right it will come to you. For now, be gentle with yourself. Allow yourself to feel all the emotions without judgement, knowing that your journey is uniquely yours, and every step you take, every feeling you experience, is leading you toward the love and connection you desire.

May Allah (SWT) ease your path and grant you fulfilment and connection through a loving spouse and beautiful marriage soon. Ameen.

Love + Duas

Aunt Maya

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If you would like some wisdom from Aunt Maya, send in your problems here! Please note Aunt Maya may consult the opinion of others from time to time and ask the Amaliah community for their advice too. Aunt Maya is not a licensed therapist or mental health professional.