We know that Amaliah is like a Big Sis and sometimes our DMs have been filled with requests for advice on a range of life issues including relationships, friendships or work troubles.

We have started a new segment where we field dilemmas from the community and answer them as frankly as we can with love, truth and honesty.

Need some advice on a dilemma? Send them all here!

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Salam Aunt Maya. My best friend is getting married soon, and she has planned a beautiful destination wedding. While I am thrilled for her and would love to celebrate this special occasion, I simply cannot afford the trip and the truckloads of expenses that will come with it. There are also a couple of other wedding-related events, like the bridal shower, which we are all expected to contribute to, and an afternoon tea that will cost even more money.

I don’t want to hurt her feelings or make her mad at me by mentioning financial constraints. How can I decline the invitation without losing face?

Maya Areem responds:

Asalamu alaykum,

Thank you for reaching out and sharing your concerns. It’s understandable to feel conflicted in such a situation, especially when it involves a close friend. 

It is often difficult to speak honestly about money, even with best friends due to the stigma attached to discussing financial differences, which can result in creating a toxic culture of keeping up appearances. This pressure makes it challenging to admit financial limitations, leading to unnecessary stress and potentially harmful financial decisions.

While you may not want to mention financial constraints, it is important to be honest and direct when it comes to these things. It is essential to understand that there’s no shame in acknowledging your need to be sensible with your finances. It is wonderful that you are aware of your situation and are able to realise the implications of financial decisions. 

What you can do is, navigate this delicate situation with grace and care.

You can ask your friend out for lunch and start by letting her know how happy you are for her and wish the lovely couple all the best. Then gently state that as much as you want to, unfortunately your budget just does not stretch far enough to attend their wedding. Doing this in person will let her know that you understand how important the wedding and your presence there is to her. 

You can express your eagerness to participate in other less expensive and local events, such as the bridal shower or the afternoon tea. Offering your help in planning or preparing for these events shows your support and excitement without the financial burden.

It is best to communicate this early and let her know as soon as possible. This allows her to plan accordingly and shows that you respect her enough to inform her early on.

Since you might not be able to attend the wedding, give a thoughtful gift from their wedding registry if they have one. Write a heartfelt letter that conveys your love and support despite your absence along with the present. There are many ways you can show up for her as a great friend!

If feasible, you can also plan a small personal celebration with your friend before or after the wedding. This can be a lunch, dinner, or a simple get-together to celebrate her new journey that ensures you get one-on-one time, letting her know how special she is to you. Reiterate how happy you are for her and how much you value your friendship. Your sincerity will shine through, and she’ll appreciate your effort to be there for her in other ways.

Remember, true friends will understand and appreciate your honesty and the different ways you choose to show your support. May your friendship continue to thrive and grow.

Love + Duas,

Aunt Maya

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If you would like some wisdom from Aunt Maya, send in your problems here! Please note Aunt Maya may consult the opinion of others from time to time and ask the Amaliah community for their advice too. Aunt Maya is not a licensed therapist or mental health professional.