We know that Amaliah is like a Big Sis and sometimes our DMs have been filled with requests for advice on a range of life issues including relationships, friendships or work troubles.
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Assalamu alaikum, I had a difficult upbringing which was sadly neglectful and traumatic and led me to fall out of my faith for a large portion of my life. Now, in my mid-twenties, Allah (SWT) has guided me back to Islam when I needed it the most. It’s been a painful but necessary return, however, I do get overwhelmed and sometimes alienated whilst navigating this as I am starting from zero and simultaneously healing my younger self. Do you have any advice for people like me who have come back to Islam the long way around, for where to begin and things I could do to reinstate my iman?
Maya Areem Responds:
Asalamu Alaykum,
I am sorry to hear about your tough and traumatic upbringing. However, your journey is a testament to your resilience and the boundless mercy of Allah (SWT). Despite the difficulties you’ve faced, you’ve found your way back to Islam, and that in itself is a profound blessing. While starting from scratch can feel overwhelming, remember that every step you take towards Allah (SWT) is a step that will be rewarded multifolds inshaAllah.
Here are some simple tips to help you as you navigate this new chapter in your life:
1. Get to Learn Who you are Worshipping: With the advent of the internet, there is a wealth of information available everywhere which can be quite overwhelming. I would advise you to begin by learning who is Allah (SWT). Knowing your Creator and the One to be worshipped, can help you build a meaningful connection that will in turn make your practice of Islam easier. Reflecting on the Names of Allah by Dr.Jinan Yousuf is a wonderful book to start with. You can also watch this Youtube series on the 99 Names of Allah.
2. Focus on the Fundamentals: You can begin with the five pillars of Islam, the basics of Salah and the importance of Iman. There are many resources available online that can help get you started. I would highly recommend Rabata Org and The Ta Collective, as they offer a beautiful community of Muslim women and scholars to inspire and help Muslim Women love Islam and build a connection with Allah (SWT).
You can also check out the Faith Essentials Course by Al-Maghrib Institute or the self-paced Islamic studies course by Seekers Guidance, which offers necessary essentials in an easy to understand manner. If you’re looking for something more basic, they also have a Youth Islamic Studies Curriculum course as well of three different levels which can be a good start. You can also make the following du’a for Allah (SWT) to grant you beneficial knowledge.
رَّبِّ زِدْنِى عِلْمًۭا
Rabbi zidni ilma
“My Lord! Increase me in knowledge.” (Surah TaHa 20:114)
I acknowledge that it will not be easy, you might feel uncertain at times but know that these are growing pains. Learning any new skill can be an uncomfortable challenge, and our strive to become better Muslims is no different. Our goal should always be to try our best, as only then can we witness personal growth and ultimately, draw closer to Allah (SWT).
Narrated Abu Hurairah:
That the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said: “Whoever takes a path upon which to obtain knowledge, Allah makes the path to Paradise easy for him.” (Tirmidhi)
3. Start Small: Learn at your own pace. Only move on to a new topic, once you are well-versed in the previous one. Don’t feel pressured to learn everything all at once. Take your time to absorb and understand each aspect of Islam gradually. Remember, Islam is a journey, not a destination, and Allah (SWT) appreciates your sincerity and effort. It might seem like you are moving at a snail’s pace but that is the way of the Sahabah too.
Abu Abdur Rahman reported: “The companions would learn to recite ten verses from the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ). They would not take another ten verses until they understood the knowledge and deeds they contained. They would say, “We learned sacred knowledge and action together.”” (Musnad Aḥmad 23482)
4. Seek Community Connections: I understand that this is easier said than done and attempting to build connections in adulthood can be very daunting but make du’a to Allah SWT to send supportive and understanding individuals in your life who can provide guidance and encouragement. Consider joining a local mosque or Islamic community centre that can offer advice, support, and friendship. You can also follow people on social media who have cultivated a sense of community so you don’t feel lonely on this journey. There are many people on the same path of learning and discovering Islam, perhaps you can join an online group or discord channel that focuses on learning about Islam.
5. Embrace Healing: Healing from past traumas is an essential part of your journey. Consider seeking professional support from counsellors or therapists who understand the intersection of faith and mental health. Remember, healing is a process, and it’s okay to take it one step at a time.
6. Practice Self-Compassion: Be gentle with yourself as you navigate this journey. Understand that setbacks and doubts are natural, but they don’t define your faith. Allah (SWT) has guided you back to Islam for a reason. Trust in His infinite mercy and His ability to guide you through even the darkest moments.
7. Read a Small Portion of the Qur’an Each Day: Allah (SWT) didn’t reveal the Qur’an all at once. Start by reading 1-2 verses of the Qur’an consistently and reflect on their meaning. You can also listen to recitations of the Qur’an to help you connect with its message.
8. Ask Questions: Do not hesitate to ask questions and seek knowledge from your course teachers or the Imam at your local mosque. Everyone is on a journey and nobody has perfect knowledge except for Allah (SWT).
9. Make Du’a: Now that Allah (SWT) has blessed you by bringing you back to the path of Islam, make fervent du’as for the strength of your iman and for you to never deviate from its path. The Prophet (ﷺ) used to make the following du’a frequently:
يَا مُقَلِّبَ الْقُلُوبِ ثَبِّتْ قَلْبِي عَلَى دِينِكَ
Yaa Muqallibal-qulub, thabbit qalbi `ala dinik
“O Changer of the hearts, make my heart firm upon Your religion.”
The Prophet (ﷺ) said: “Verily, there is no human being except that his heart is between Two Fingers of the Fingers of Allah, so whomsoever He wills He makes steadfast, and whomever He wills He causes to deviate.” (Tirmidhi)
Returning to your faith after a tumultuous journey can indeed feel like starting from scratch, but remember, Allah (SWT) knows the sincerity of your heart. He (SWT) understands the trials you’ve endured and the effort it takes to rebuild your iman. Your journey back to Islam is unique to you, and there’s no one-size-fits-all approach. Allow yourself the freedom to explore and grow at your own pace, trusting in Allah (SWT)’s wisdom and guidance every step of the way. Remember, Allah (SWT) knows your journey and He (SWT) is always there to guide you.
May Allah (SWT) continue to bless you and guide you on the path of Islam. May He (SWT) shower you with His blessings and grant you strength and perseverance on your journey of faith. Ameen.
Love + Duas
Aunt Maya
If you would like some wisdom from Aunt Maya, send in your problems here! Please note Aunt Maya may consult the opinion of others from time to time and ask the Amaliah community for their advice too. Aunt Maya is not a licensed therapist or mental health professional.
