We know that Amaliah is like a Big Sis and sometimes our DMs have been filled with requests for advice on a range of life issues including relationships, friendships or work troubles.

We have started a new segment where we field dilemmas from the community and answer them as frankly as we can with love, truth and honesty.

Need some advice on a dilemma? Send them all here!

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Salaam Aunty Maya. I’ve recently started working in the corporate world. It seems like to get ahead, I’m expected to blend in with my colleagues, like going out for drinks or hanging out with our boss after work.

I understand the importance of networking and building relationships in a professional setting, but as someone who doesn’t drink alcohol, I struggle to find common ground with my colleagues during these social outings. I can’t help but feel like I’m losing a bit of my sense of self. A lot of times, I end up saying no and then feel left out and excluded from conversations the next day.

I want to advance in my career, but I also want to stay true to my values and beliefs. How do I do this?

Maya Areem responds:

Salam alaykum,

I truly appreciate you reaching out to us. Your concerns are completely valid and it’s understandable to feel torn between professional advancement and maintaining your values, especially in the corporate world where socialising often revolves around activities that may not align with your personal beliefs.

Firstly, it’s important to recognize that you’re not alone in facing this challenge. This is something many of us encounter. Many of us have been there, struggling in similar situations and having to find ways to strike a balance between professional advancement and personal integrity. You can read one such account here: Hijabs, Prayer and Alcohol; Islam in the Corporate World

One thing that resonates deeply with us is the importance of being confident in your beliefs and leaning into your identity. I admit it’s not always easy to stand firm in our values, especially when they differ from the norm, but it’s incredibly empowering when we do. Saying “no” to situations that don’t align with your beliefs doesn’t diminish your worth; in fact, it often garners respect from others and most importantly increases your standing with Allah. It is important for us as Muslims to see that we may feel we are ‘losing out’ when we disengage with things that compromise our deen. But we are here on this earth as Muslims first and foremost, and our careers, aspirations and ambitions are an extension of this core aspect of our identity. 

When faced with an invitation to an event with activities that don’t align with your values, such as drinking alcohol, politely and confidently decline while expressing your appreciation for the invitation. You can also consider attending one of these events and having non-alcoholic drinks, depending on the nature of the event as a whole.  

A significant aspect of professional growth lies in interpersonal relationships within the workplace. Try looking for opportunities to connect during work hours, such as participating in team projects, attending professional development workshops, or joining work-related social events during the work day. While catching up with colleagues, inquire about their interests and you can also suggest alternative ways to connect with them. For example, propose lunch outings, coffee meetings, or team-building activities that don’t revolve around alcohol. Despite differences in lifestyle choices, there may still be common interests or hobbies that you can bond over with your colleagues. 

You can also build these connections beyond the office setting. As daunting as it may sound, consider attending external gatherings or events to expand your network and find individuals who resonate with your values. Eventually you’ll find yourself at ease and will nurture connections that will not only strengthen your sense of self but also broaden your career prospects beyond the confines of your current company. 

Additionally, consider seeking mentors who align with your values as this will enable you to further develop professionally while staying true to yourself. Through this process, you might also find people who share similar values and beliefs. Having a support network of like-minded individuals can provide a sense of belonging, making it easier to navigate challenging situations.

Ultimately, focus on your contributions as these should speak louder than your participation in social activities. I know this can sometimes feel difficult but you will never regret holding on to your values, and pray that for every sacrifice you feel you are making, Allah will replace it with something better. Focus on excelling in your role, delivering high-quality work, and contributing positively to team projects. Your professionalism and dedication will be recognized and valued by your colleagues and superiors.

Remember, your authenticity and integrity are valuable assets in any professional setting. By staying true to yourself while navigating social dynamics, you can advance in your career while maintaining your values and beliefs.

Every time you hesitate or feel you are missing out on something, remind yourself of why you are doing this. We abstain for the sake of Allah (SWT) alone. If you are conscious of God and trust in His plan, He has promised us that He will provide in ways we never imagined.

“Whoever is conscious of Allah, He will make a way out for him. And He provides for him from (sources) he never could imagine. And whoever puts his trust in Allah, sufficient is (Allah) for him. For Allah will surely accomplish his purpose. Verily, for all things has Allah appointed a due proportion” (Surah Al-Talaq 65:2-3).

And last but not the least, make dua and remember that all source of rizq and barakah lies with Allah (SWT). 

اللَّهُمَّ إِنِّي أَسْأَلُكَ عِلْمًا نَافِعًا، وَرِزْقًا طَيِّبًا، وَعَمَلاً مُتَقَبَّلاً ‏

Allahumma inni as’aluka ‘ilman nafi’an, wa rizqan tayyiban, wa ‘amalan mutaqabbalan.

“O Allah, I ask You for beneficial knowledge, goodly provision and acceptable deeds.” (Sunan Ibn Majah)

May Allah (SWT) grant you ease and blessings in your endeavours, and may He guide you to success in every aspect of your career. Ameen.

Love + Duas,

Aunty Maya

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If you would like some wisdom from Aunt Maya, send in your problems here! Please note Aunt Maya may consult the opinion of others from time to time and ask the Amaliah community for their advice too. Aunt Maya is not a licensed therapist or mental health professional.