This article is written in response to ‘12 Things I Can’t Reconcile About Islam as a Muslim Woman’ a response to all 12 things can be found here

The views of the authors are not those of Amaliah, we also recognise that the responses are a snapshot of thinking and there are a variation of responses that could be surfaced to each of these 12 points. We also recognise issues of fiqh cannot be thoroughly and deeply explored in this article to account for all schools of thoughts, contexts, and viewpoints. We pray all efforts are accepted by Allah.

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There is also often an underlying assumption that there should be absolute equality between men and women in all aspects of life. Islām identifies that there is absolute equality between men and women with regards to their souls, their intrinsic value as servants of God, and the value of their acts of obedience to God. However, Islām recognises some biological differences between men and women ( birthing a child, for instance) and accommodates for these differences. Therefore, Islām calls for justice rather than equality: justice means equality for those who are the same, and inequality for those who have differences. Due to the concept of justice being defined by God, the premise of “why can’t women do x if men can” does not fit in with the Islamic concepts of men and women to begin with.

As our rights and responsibilities in Islām are ordained by God, and not man, it is important as Muslim women to determine our worth and positions in relation to God, and not in relation to man. Something doesn’t become greater or better, just because men do it, or become lesser because women do. This article by sister Yasmin Mogaheddiscusses why it is important not to make men the standard for comparison when discussing gender issues in Islām.

Sometimes it may feel as though we as women are at a disadvantage, that the laws ordained by God always favour men. This may happen as a result of the way we have our conversations surrounding these issues (for example, conversations may be approached from the lens of misogyny), and not because of the issues themselves. When discussing laws pertaining to men (for example, their duties and responsibilities within the family), their responsibilities are often much greater than that of women. The current culture forces the discourse in one unnatural direction with more of a focus on the limitations placed upon women. As many conversations are led by men, there is skewed attention given to the duties of women, and the responsibilities of men are not emphasised.

As a Muslim sister recently expressed:“…Take it from my husband who is a single child of divorced parents, they are both elderly now and in poor health. He is financially responsible for me and our kids and also his parents, without much of a support system in the form of extended family. I don’t envy him at all.”

Why can a man marry a non-Muslim, or rather why can’t women too?

In order to address these concerns, an underlying assumption (discussed in part one) must first be clarified: It is assumed that if men can do something, it must be the superior way, and therefore women must be able to do it too.

Why consider men ‘the standard’, the ideal that we must reach?

There is beauty and ease in our God-given differences too. In wanting what men have, and in seeking to ‘widen our circle of options’ are we forgetting the ideal? Is marrying a non-Muslim something we should be striving towards? Or is the greatest honor in seeking a spouse of taqwa (4), who reveres God and his Messenger.

Whilst the ruling allowing men to marry women from the people of the Book (Christians and Jews) has some stipulations which are often abused, it’s important to note that rulings of sharī’ah are based on the greater good, not dependent on a few anecdotal cases where the spirit of the law is ignored. As mentioned in the hadīth, men are expected to be the shepherds of their families and are responsible for guiding their families on the straight path (5). Therefore, a non-Muslim husband may not be able to fulfil the role of the shepherd of his family by respecting the sanctity of his wife’s religion. Ultimately, this law came from the Qurān, and we put our trust in knowing that Allāh, in His infinite wisdom, knew what was better for His creation, equal in His eyes.