يَا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا اتَّقُوا اللَّهَ وَكُونُوا مَعَ الصَّادِقِينَ

O ye who believe! Be careful of your duty to Allah, and be with those who are truthful (in word and deed) – [9:119]

وَالَّذِينَ آمَنُوا بِاللَّهِ وَرُسُلِهِ أُولَٰئِكَ هُمُ الصِّدِّيقُونَ ۖ وَالشُّهَدَاءُ عِنْدَ رَبِّهِمْ لَهُمْ أَجْرُهُمْ وَنُورُهُمْ ۖ وَالَّذِينَ كَفَرُوا وَكَذَّبُوا بِآيَاتِنَا أُولَٰئِكَ أَصْحَابُ الْجَحِيمِ

And those who believe in Allah and His messengers, they are the truthful, and the martyrs are with their Lord; they have their reward and their light; while as for those who disbelieve and deny Our revelations, they are owners of hell-fire. [57:19]

These are just two (of many) examples in the Quran where Allah describes the ‘siddique’, one who is truthful and sincere of heart.

The sincerity of heart and intention is a huge theme in the Qur’an and Sunnah.

The biggest blessing a Muslim can have is the guidance itself, so when I talk of sincerity I am not merely talking about a friend being happy yet secretly envious of your work promotion, marriage or baby. On a deeper level, I am talking about our Ikhlaas (sincerity) when it comes to deen – if there is no Ikhlaas in deen, there is never going to be Ikhlaas for one another in other areas of life.The reality is that many of us avoid telling one another how to improve with our deen out of fear of being perceived as judgmental or being rejected by our friends for pointing out their shortcomings.

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Related

What Butterflies, the Quran and Comfort Zones Taught me About Self Growth

Self-Love as a Form of Worship

What Pot Plants Taught Me About Self-Growth?

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Compliments vs Constructive Criticism 

We prefer friends who compliment us rather than those who offer insightful critique.But which is more beneficial; compliments or constructive criticism?One is character building and one is character assassination, though you’d be surprised how many people would associate the two categories opposite to reality.It is certainly pleasant to give and receive compliments, but why does critique irk us so much when it is a means to self-improvement whilst the compliment was a means to self-aggrandizement?

Of course, a balance is required, yet what we see more prevalent in relationships (familial, platonic or romantic) is an incessant need to have our egos massaged, to be reassured that we are good, well-liked, admired even. And yet when we spend a considerable amount of time with people (live, work or travel with them!), we find out one another’s flaws but are reluctant to speak of them to each other out of fear that the other will not react well. When we do muster the courage to give feedback, it is not usually well received. We have been conditioned to assume that anyone giving us feedback does not do so with the good intention of wanting us to improve.

The sincerity of the Prophet Mohammad (SAW)

The Prophet (saw) demonstrated kindness as a means to draw people nearer to belief, but he also didn’t shy away from speaking the truth even if it was unpalatable to his audience. The man was driven out of his home but it didn’t stop him from practicing and preaching the truth.What we are losing as a society at large is our ikhlaas and our ability to honour the truth regardless of whether it’s disagreeable to our audience. The sad reality is that the dominance of social media in our lives has created a society that has become increasingly artificial and insincere. We have become a “mutual appreciation society” gaining validation from notifications reminding us that we are liked.

Your destiny favours the friends who aren’t afraid to criticize you

Last week one of my friends sent me a link to beautiful recitations of morning and evening protection prayers, telling me that she listens to these daily and that perhaps I might like to benefit from the same.Every week, another friend of mine goes to a tajweed class and whatever ‘hadith of the week’ she learns from that class, she shares it with me the following morning. That same friend is the one who encouraged me to pray my salah on time when we both worked together at a large corporate firm in the finance sector. She would leave a prayer mat in a meeting room cupboard in our office and remind me not to delay my prayers until I got home from work.

So the next time someone reminds you to pray or tells you to speak less loudly or tells you to wear a longer shirt, don’t assume they are being judgmental, remind yourself that they are a rare gem of a friend interested in your success, just as the Prophet was.What makes a friend sincere is one who is invested in your success, in deen, Duniya and akhirah. These are the only meaningful friendships of value; may Allah protect and increase them for us all.May Allah (SWT) guide and purify our hearts to be sincere and grant us the companionship and friendship of those sincere of heart. Ameen.