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Dear Aunt Maya, Help – I don’t know how much my mahr should be! The man I want to marry plans to approach my family soon and so conversations about Mahr are becoming relevant. The only thing is, I don’t know what’s common these days as I either I hear about women asking for a cat or 50k (which I won’t do)… I don’t want to cause my future husband too much financial hardship but at the same time I don’t want my feelings to get in the way of granting myself the financial protection that Islam has allowed me to have. Is there a rule of thumb that could help me figure it out? The women in my family aren’t much help as they were married under quite different circumstances. Please help!

Maya Areem Responds:

Salam alaykum, 

Thank you for writing in and for trusting us to guide you through this. Determining the appropriate amount for your mahr is both a personal and cultural decision, and many women find themselves lost on where to start. Mahr is also one of the most important requirements of a Nikah and it is great that you are taking it seriously.

Allah says in the Qur’an: “And give the women (on marriage) their Mahr as a free gift…” (Surah al-Nisa 4:4)

According to the Sunnah, Mahr is neither an extremely high amount that would cause pressure on the husband, and it is entirely possible for it to be non-material, such as the companion of the Prophet ﷺ who was married with the verses of Qur’an that he had memorised as Mahr. 

However, it is important to note that the Prophet ﷺ encouraged the negotiation of Mahr according to what works best for each new couple. While the Sunnah Mahr is historically referenced at around 1487.5 grams of silver, it serves more as a guideline than a strict obligation. You can find out more here. So, one way to calculate Mahr would be to determine the current rate of silver based on the Sunnah. This can also give you an idea of the minimum amount to start with.

For additional guidance, you can refer to our detailed guide on mahr, “A Detailed Guide to Mahr: Rights and Rulings,” which offers a comprehensive exploration of this topic. 

While you may be unable to get advice from family members,  you can consider speaking to married friends or acquaintances. This will help you understand if there is a recommended amount in your circles. 

You can also take into account your financial situation and long-term goals. Reflect on how the Mahr can provide you with financial protection and stability. Will you be saving or investing it? What seems like an appropriate amount to you? 

This is also a good time to have a conversation with your future husband about finances and financial expectations within your marriage if you haven’t already. You can even ask if he had an amount that he had considered to understand where he is at. If you need tips on how to get these conversations started, have a look at the Mahr Conversation Starter template in our article on Mahr.

When you have a tentative figure in mind, try to discuss it with a local Imam or marriage counsellor to seek guidance based on both fiqh and local customs. You may even request them to facilitate the conversation between you and your future partner from that point forward. 

May Allah guide you through this decision, reward you for the thought you are putting into this and bless you with a wonderful marriage. Ameen.

Love + duas, 

Aunt Maya

If you would like some wisdom from Aunt Maya, send in your problems here! Please note Aunt Maya may consult the opinion of others from time to time and ask the Amaliah community for their advice too. Aunt Maya is not a licensed therapist or mental health professional.